In 2009 Tim and I made the decision to grow our family through adoption. Over the next two years of excitement, longing, tears, and drama, we learned much about ourselves, and the brokenness of the world in which we live.
Waiting was hard. Traveling even harder. When we brought home our daughter, Avivah, from Rwanda in May 2011, we thought the hard part was behind us.
Oh, how wrong we were.
Post-adoption depression. Attachment disorder. Medical problems. The stressors piled high until I was convinced we would never find a new normal. All I saw were broken dreams and overwhelming disfunction. Worst of all was the depth of darkness being unveiled in my own soul.
Years later, I can say this: Adoption is beautiful, but it is birthed in brokenness.
I wanted to heal the broken places in my child, but that couldn’t happen until I let them break me first. The harder I fought for beauty without brokenness, the deeper I sank into despair.
Nothing So Broken
Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God’s story never ends with ‘ashes.’ Elisabeth Elliot
In the midst of hopelessness, when I was convinced there could not be a worse human being than myself, I sensed God whisper, “There is nothing so broken that I cannot redeem it.” I didn’t believe him, but I wanted to. I tried to. And as time went by, I caught glimpses of his beauty mingling with my brokenness. Over time it spilled out, touching my daughter’s broken places, bringing healing and hope.
We have far yet to travel on this journey, but there is hope. Beauty rises. Spring returns. This is the message of the Gospel, the truth to which I cling, and the message I long to share.
Walk With Me?
Are you waiting? Weary? Aching? Questioning? Angry? Doubting? Defeated? Welcome, my friend. You are in good company, and you are loved, not judged. May Jesus meet you in your deepest valley, and may the words you read here always proclaim that there is nothing so broken He can cannot redeem it.
[box] Under the Adoption menu, or in the Categories list in the sidebar, you will find “Adoption Posts.” These include my own ponderings on adoption, as well as guest posts by some precious fellow adoptive moms. Though our journeys may vary, we are sisters in the bond of adoption. And if you are here – whether you’re considering, waiting, struggling, or supporting someone who is – you are one of us. I would love to hear from you, pray for you, encourage you. Drop me a note at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you for reading, friend.[/box]